Again, not even sure if this reaches anyone out there, or if these posts interest anyone, but like I have said; it is nice to just vent and put it out there.
So here we go
Over the past few months, I have kept you (briefly) up to date with what has been happening in my life- both personal and social.We have touched on romantic, and at this point, I think it is safe to say I may not be cut out for love or another person in my life.
jeez, how morbid is that- I am only 20 and already dismissing people entering my life in the future?
Consistently, these past few months have left me lifted so high and happy and then slammed back down at an alarming, rapid pace.
The reason why I was pushed to write this post was due to a night of belligerent drinking, partying with friends and watching my best friend of 6 years break my heart right in front of me.
I have had pretty consistent feelings and this sort of “unspoken thing” with a friend of mine, and believe me when I say there is not one thing that could be wrong with him. His eyes are the warmest thing I have ever looked into and his laugh is infectious. He is truly art. This friend and I also have a romantic history where feelings came out on both ends and then we awkwardly had to pretend it never happened for the sake of the group. For the sake of keeping this story coherent, we will call this friend L.
Messy, but as you can tell from this page- that seems to be the way I roll.
Anyways, my best friend of 6 years knew fully about the situation with me and L ended up leaving and sleeping with him.
Great friend right? She then proceeds to tell me that it was my fault because I didn’t speak to her at the bar. In my opinion, there is zero correlation between me not speaking to her and her ending up leaving with a person I cared deeply about- but apparently, there is enough for her to jump right on that train of thought.
This year has been nothing but disappointing and I always end up in situations where I am apologizing for things I shouldn’t, but at this point, it’s whatever and that is where I am at.
It’s literally whatever.